Our Approach
Our Approach
Almost all human behaviour is learned. This even applies to how we respond to our own emotions and what we do with them. An example of this would be a boy being told by his parents not to cry. From this injunction he learns to not show his upset and may even go on to not being aware of the upset that he is hiding. This is a learned behavior that he will carry through his life unless some factors show him that this behaviour does not now work for him.
Almost all learned behaviour can be changed. This we are doing all the time and when it is in relation to practical matters we do not think it strange. An automatic learned behavior like answering the telephone with your number can be changed when you move and take a new phone number, or the year that we write at the end of the date. During January we often write the previous year until the new automatic behavior has fully replaced the old.
Almost all learned emotional behavior can be changed. The mechanics of this are like those of learning anything else. We need to see the behavior pattern to recognise it when we apply it, we need to find a new pattern and then practice it. There is a transition period when we need to deliberately note the pattern and replace it with the new one, even if that involves doing the new one immediately after the old (as in crossing out the old year and writing in the new one). Gradually the new replaces the old until there is no need for any conscious effort and the new pattern occurs automatically.
In our trainings we make extensive use of role play in order to practice and repeat a new tool or style so that it becomes automatic. In this way when the situation arises in life, usually under pressure, the new behavior comes out naturally, just as the previous one did. This actually works in the same way as practicing some action in a sport or as a soldier has many procedures drilled in so that, in the heat of battle, they happen without having to think about them.
We wish here to acknowledge and give our appreciation to three major influences on our work.
1. Marshall Rosenberg, the American trainer who developed ‘Nonviolent Communication’ which forms the largest single inspiration in our work. We strongly recommend his book Nonviolent Communication – A Language of Life. Please see www.cnvc.org
2. Dr Stan Dale, an American trainer who launched the Human Awareness Institute – HAI. We have learned so much about how to plan and run a training from the experience with HAI. Please see www.hai.org
3. A third valuable resource for creating successful relationships is NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming) Please see www.nlp.org